I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
