I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Two words: blizzard sex
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
