Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
