so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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