The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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