My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
