White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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