The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
