genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
