Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
