So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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