dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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