you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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