Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
