it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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