How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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