When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
