Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
