the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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