I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
