did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
A+ Viking dick
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
