just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
