Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
