im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
