yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
