He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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