Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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