So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
