I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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