I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
