dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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