If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
