Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
