call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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