Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
