So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
