They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
