It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
COCAINE IS GR8
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
