I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
