Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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