do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
