i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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