They should really pass out barf bags in church
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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