i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
