There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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