sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
