bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So much rum. So many feels.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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