Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
