Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
