Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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