In the future we'll all be gay
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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